I'm talking to you.
You, that person standing in front of me at the checkout. You, the person who can't put down OK! Magazine and move forward, with the natural progression of the line. You, the person who can't take their eyes off of the 99-cent Tide Pens. You, the person who can't make a decision between Spearmint and Peppermint Gum.
I really think we need to have a little chit-chat. A little one on one. How about instead of stinking up the store with your spaciness, you pay attention. I don't know about you, but personally, I don't come to the store to stare at the ceiling or contemplate the 2-for-1 sign across the aisle. I'm there with a mission. I know what I want and that's it.
I understand that, in lieu of a clear objective, you may need some guidance. Maybe something that can help you navigate the treacheries of shopping, be it grocery or otherwise. So, for you, you giant space-case, I've developed this 5 step, sure-fire plan to help you beat your Spacey Shopper Syndrome or SSS.
1. Make a plan before you go in to the store. Know what you want to get. If it means drawing up some blue prints or schematics, do it. If it means memorizing where all the fire exits are and the closest bathroom, do that too. Just make sure that your plan doesn't involve making my shopping experience any slower than I had charted in my scematics.
2. Be aware of your surroundings. As shoppers, we need to have an acute awareness of everything going on around us. We have to know how to sniff out deals and where the free samples are. I generally abide by the rule that, if you miss enough sale signs, you're probably the person to avoid getting stuck behind in the checkout line, because chances are, you're the one in their own little world.
3. Don't bring your kids. Let's face it. While your kids are cute and adorable and probably great to have as entertainment, they're ticking, dirty time bombs. You never, repeat never, know where or when they're going to go off. It could be that bright sign that's specifically designed to lure in children just like yours or it could be the eye-catching array of chocolate bars near the register. Regardless of the situation, kids slow the game down. However, I will make an exception for those parents who have no other way to make sure their child is cared for while they go shopping. In this case, I recommend absolutely no sugar at least 12 hours before the planned outing and a good, hand held video game with lots of flashing and distractions. Make sure they're in a cart or stroller though. Also, make sure that video game has fresh batteries. Running out of juice in the middle of a shopping trip is probably the worse thing that could happen.
4. Anyone over 35, maybe 37, should not be texting while they shop. In a recent study, conducted by yours truly while he writes this post, I've noticed that anyone over the aforementioned ages just doesn't have the dexterity or coordination to maneuver through a crowd and type with one finger. It's an art form reserved for those below the cut-off age. I'm talking to you Dad.
5. Finally, make sure you travel lightly. I mean make sure you know how you're paying. Credit card? Debit card? Cash? Arm and a leg? Whatever it is, make sure it's with you and you know where it is. There's nothing more frustrating or time consuming than a person who remembers putting their card in their wallet, thinks that maybe they left it at home, and calls their wife to see if they forgot it on the table. You know what I call these people? It starts with a B and ends with an -ooger.
As a general rule, I usually make sure that I have some form of baked goods at home in case I run in to any of committers of the cardinal rules, listed above.
This Low Carb Coconut Pie is great for just that reason. Why you ask? Well, it's low carb for one thing. Secondly, it's 9 inches in diameter, which makes for a full night of comfort.
It's not overly sweet, which is great, but the texture is superb and the coconut taste is light but delicious!
Oh, and my mom loves the almond flour crust with the coconut.
Coconut Pie via Atkins
1 cup almond flour (about 5 1/2 ounces of whole almonds, ground)
1 cup shredded, unsweetened coconut
1/4 cup granular sugar substitute
1 egg white
1 can (14 ounces) coconut milk
1/2 cup heavy cream
1 egg yolk
1/2 cup granular sugar substitute
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 teaspoon coconut extract
1/2 teaspoon salt
3/4 cup shredded unsweetened coconut
1. Heat oven to 350'F. Mix almond flour, coconut, sugar substitute and egg white. If coconut mixture is too dry to hold together, add 1 to 2 teaspoons of water, a few drops at a time, until mixture holds its shape when pinched together.
2. Press onto bottom and up sides of a 9-inch pie plate to form a crust. Bake 15 minutes until lightly golden. Remove from oven; set aside. Increase oven temperature to 450F.
1. Scald coconut milk and cream in a medium saucepan; set aside to cool slightly. In a large bowl, with an electric mixer on medium speed (or with a wire whisk), beat eggs and yolk until frothy. Beat in sugar substitute, salt, vanilla and coconut extract. Slowly beat in coconut milk mixture. Fold in shredded coconut and stir gently.
2. Pour filling into prepared crust. Bake 5 minutes. Reduce temperature to 350'F and bake 15 minutes more or until a knife inserted near the center comes out clean. Cool on a wire rack to room temperature, then transfer to the fridge to chill completely.
This pie is seriously good. If you give it a try, let me know!
Until next time, happy baking!